Saturday, August 15, 2009

Landscaping Woes

Last night, we were sitting at the Vacation Bible School Hot-N-Crowded Finale Celebration in a small church that appeared to have exceeded its fire-code capacity several times over.

And my cell phone rang. It was Big Brother, who had stayed at home, mowing the lawn. Things were so loud in there that I was amazed to have heard it ring, so I picked it up and said, "Send me a text message. I can't hear a thing."

Then I got the text: "The mower took out the cap for the sewer thing" (the outdoor sewer cleanout--a plumber was here Monday with a snake to take care of a clog. Guess the guy didn't screw that cap back on tight.)

I asked him if he could find any pieces. I get back: "Well its gone. The pipe has no cap" (Note the lack of proper punctuation there.)

Then I told him that we needed pieces so we could figure out what size the replacement should be. "Its. Gone." (I guess he just uses periods for emphasis. Apostrophes, however, are expendable in all circumstances.)

I'd be willing to bet that I'm the only parent to ever be interrupted at a VBS show, to be told that Lawn Boy had run over part of the plumbing. I was (silently) laughing my head off.

This is not the first time Big Brother has run stuff over. He mows like I vacuum. If you leave your Legos on the carpet, and I have given you fair warning that I'm vacuuming later, then it's bye-bye Legos. Big Brother ran over a Little People ship captain once, decapitating it. He's got a sick sense of humor, so he kept that captain's head. When he still had a fish, it was in the fish tank. A couple of weeks ago, it was a tennis ball, which he neatly cut in half. The next week, it was shredded all over the lawn.

I think it's safe to say that he doesn't have a career in landscaping ahead of him.

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