And the walls came tumbling down.
Not the walls of my home (thank God!) but the emotional walls that I use to hold everything in and keep it all together. Sometimes there is just way too much for those walls to hold. And usually it's some stupid little thing that causes them to cave in.
So I made the dinner, and when Middle Sister told me that the pasta was done, I asked her to drain it and call everyone to the table. And then I headed upstairs where I proceeded to melt down.
After she ate, Middle Sister came upstairs to ask what was wrong and to listen to me vent a bit. She just listened. She's a good kid.
I appreciate that she was there, that she gave me the gift of her presence when I was on the edge (or over it, really.) At the same time, though, I feel like it's not her responsibility to have to help me put the emotional pieces back together.
I'd love to hear what you have to say: would you let your 16-year-old daughter see you fall apart?
7 comments:
Barb, I really think that as long as we are not inappropriately relying on our kids as a principal source of emotional support, that coming apart in front of them is not a bad thing. They do need to learn at some point that even the most capable people in their lives can't do everything, and that it is actually okay to fall apart when we hit our limits. If all they see is Supermom, I would think it would make it harder for them later to admit to being anything less than Supermom themselves.
No daughter, but my teen-aged sons have seen mom burst into tears. Moms are human, too -- and it is how our kids learn to pick up the pieces of their own walls as well.
Our children need to see that we are only human too, and there is nothing wrong with falling apart in front of our children. And it is reassuring to a child to see that we are able to pull everything back together again and get on with life.
Praying for you Barb.
Blessings,
Bean
Yes I would so they know they don't have to be perfect. When the get older, we want them to learn that we all melt down and then get it back together again. I'd hate for my son to think something was wrong with him if he felt completely stressed out and couldn't recall his mom ever being so. He might think "what's wrong with me? My mom was able to handle her life....etc"
I wouldn't put too much into the conversation so as to not burden my child but to let them know that parents face struggles and pain too.
You're a good mom Barb!
Yes, my kids have on occasion. It's not an everyday thing. They do need to know it's about being human and that it is possible to pick up, put yourself back together and keep going.Sometimes mom needs a little TLC, too.
My short answer is yes. I wrote a long comment & then deleted it. I'm going to try again. I hope I didn't do with my kids what Lynn said: "as long as we are not inappropriately relying on our kids as a principal source of emotional support". (And I did have my hubby for that, too.) But sometimes we swing the pendulum one way or the other. Anyway, where I come from is that a child, although I lived with my mother (and father), I never felt I knew my mother very well. She never "fell apart" in my presence, although I was pretty sure she was depressed. I only remember her crying once, although I know she was sad. I think letting your kids help you some with emotional stuff is not that different from letting them help you with housework. You probably wouldn't expect them to do all the cooking, shopping, cleaning...but if they do some of it, they feel more valuable to the family and to you as a person. If they help you when you are sick, they feel more valuable to you. Why not the same with the things of the spirit?
My son has seen my cry and has listened - in his teens, twenties and thirties. I agree with the comments above. I saw my mom cry - and my dad. I listened. It's good to share.
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