I Confess

I fail at Confession.

Sometimes I feel like Confession fails me.

I definitely have to stop attending those "communal Penance services." It's like drive-by Confession, and it's never a good experience--which is why I let two or three years go by between Confessions, until I feel absolutely driven to seek absolution, and I drag myself there.

For me, "communal Penance services" are a near occasion of sin. (So why do I go? Because they're not on Saturday afternoons, which are always so nutty that I can never manage to get to Confession for the 45 minutes our parish offers it at that time.)

If it were up to me, these services would be simple affairs consisting of a hymn or two, a Scripture reading or two, and a short homily from Father explaining how to make a good examination of conscience. After that, everyone lines up for Confession.

Here's how it went last night:

• Arrive and find a pew. Listen to announcement by cantor that if you forgot a "worship aid" you should raise your hand and a "team member" would bring one to you.
• Hymn, Liturgy of the Word, prayer.
• A combination skit/prayer/examination of conscience in which 6 costumed actors represented Isaiah, John the Baptist, Zechariah, Elizabeth, Mary and Jesus and lectors read prayers relating the examination of conscience to each of these Biblical figures.
• Lineup for Confession. After the initial scramble to get in line for your favorite priest, I waited 40 minutes, only to end up with the hard-of-hearing priest who was older than Moses and looked like he might not survive the night. (Good thing the church has its own defibrillator. I was afraid we might have to use it.)
• Parting gift. After absolution, Father handed me a handy-dandy refrigerator magnet "to remember this evening by."

I don't need "worship aids," "team members," costumed actors with props, and refrigerator magnets. And frankly, I don't want them. For me, they get in the way.

I know I shouldn't be snarky, and I'll need to go to Confession again over that. To be fair, the service was well-done. Good music, well-prepared readers, good flow. But it felt like a performance, not a prelude to a sacrament.

In the end, the grace of the sacrament is enough--which brings to mind this prayer by St. Ignatius of Loyola:

Take, O Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding and my will; all that I have and possess. You have given them to me; to you, O Lord, I restore them. All things are yours: Dispose of them according to your will. Give me your love and your grace; for this is enough for me.

Planning Way Ahead

On the way to church yesterday, we drove down a street where several houses sported "for sale" signs. Seeing these, Little Brother commented, "I wonder where I'll live when I grow up."

"I thought you wanted to be a priest, so I guess you'll live at the house that goes with your church," I replied.

"But Mom, priests can't have all 7 sacraments. I want to be a deacon. Do you think Deacon B and Deacon D have received all 7 sacraments?"

"Maybe they have," I told him. "The only one I can't be sure about is Anointing of the Sick. But after church tonight, you can ask whichever deacon is there."

(Such are the advantages of having 2 wonderful deacons in our parish, both of whom know my kids, both of whom are dads and granddads and willing to talk to kids and answer questions about how many sacraments they've received.)

After Mass, Little Brother waited his turn and when Deacon B was done speaking to a group of adults, Little Brother asked if he had received all 7 sacraments. They wound up in a good discussion about being a deacon, Holy Orders, and how old you have to be to become a deacon. And Deacon B promised to be there, if he could, when Little Brother receives that sacrament.

Blessed!

Today, Little Brother received his First Holy Communion. He has been waiting and waiting and waiting for this day. And I was pleased to see that Father put this day into excellent perspective.

At the beginning of Mass and during the homily, Father reminded everyone that today is a very special day for the Church. The boys and girls who received their First Holy Communion today are welcomed--and always welcome. They are welcoming Jesus into their hearts and lives, and they are following the words of Jesus, "Do this in remembrance of Me."

I noticed that Father was careful not to tell the children (and their parents) that this is their special day. It seems that he doesn't buy into that kind of thing. WTG Father!

He also began his homily by talking about how bread has many forms: bread, rolls, bagels, donuts...and how even though the Host looks like just another form of bread, it is not bread--it is Jesus. We can't see the change happen during the Consecration, but we believe that it does.

I'm thankful for Father's words today (and his words last night as he helped the children with their last-minute preparations at practice.) I'm thankful for Little Brother's wonderful teacher who had her class on fire to receive the sacraments this year. Those kids were ready, and they knew what to do. You could pick the parochial-school kids out of the lineup at practice last night, because they were the ones who knew that the correct response to the words "The Body of Christ" was not just to stand there with their hands at their sides, but to say "Amen" and joyfully receive the Lord.

God bless Little Brother and all of this season's First Communicants!

Sacramentality

We're getting busy with sacraments around here!

Middle Sister and I attended the mandatory "student and parent" Confirmation retreat on Tuesday. Despite the fact that her class had made a Confirmation retreat in December, the DRE required this one as well. There was a Mass (nice!) and then a craft project. May I rant? What a waste of time! They had to compose a prayer, as a group, then make it into a banner. OK, prayers are good. Let each student compose one. We don't need markers, glue and foam stickers on felt banners. The kids felt like this was for little kids, not for them.

Sometime between now and February 8, she has to decorate a candle as well. Why is it that some people believe that you can't have a sacrament without an accompanying art project?

More importantly, is she ready for the sacrament? Who knows? Certainly nothing at the retreat indicated whether anyone was or was not ready. She's curious--but not committed. And one of her friends is not being confirmed; she is Baptist. Middle Sister wanted to know if this friend would be confirmed, and I replied that I thought she wouldn't have something called "Confirmation" but instead would have to publicly accept Jesus as her Lord and Savior. "Do we do that?" Middle Sister wondered.

"Every time we go to Communion," I informed her.

Meanwhile, Little Brother is having his "practice confession" today in preparation for Saturday's First Reconciliation. It should be interesting to hear what he has to say about today's events.

The Sacrament of Comfort

This morning after Mass, I received the sacrament of Anointing of the Sick.

(Little Brother's a little jealous.)

With surgery scheduled for Friday morning, I was happy to be able to receive this sacrament. And not because of any superstitious or magical kind of reasons. I don't believe that receiving this sacrament is going to automatically ensure a good outcome.

But listening to the words of the prayers of the sacrament, I was reassured. These prayers were for forgiveness, comfort, relief of anxiety, and the grace needed to face what would be ahead--in addition to prayers for good physical health. It is indeed a very comforting sacrament to receive.

This psalm is not a part of the sacrament, but receiving the sacrament of Anointing of the Sick reminded me of the words of Psalm 23:

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.

Overheard

"God has mercy on rebellious pinecones."

Thomas will get the pinecone part!

Big Brother and Middle Sister are discussing the meaning of their names. Middle Sister is looking for a Confirmation name. Instead of checking out saints and finding one that inspires her, she's working backwards and finding names she thinks work well with the name she's already got, and what it means.

Maybe I should have looked a little further into the meaning of her name when I was choosing it in the first place.

A Baptism on Pentecost

This morning at Mass, Father H had the opportunity to do something he appears to really enjoy: baptizing a child. And on Pentecost, no less!

In this case, the child was none other than Adventure Boy!

Father H believes that baptisms are for the whole community--they are not just "private family celebrations" because the whole parish, the whole Catholic community, is the family of the person being baptized. He encouraged everyone to renew their Baptismal promises and really think about our commitment to help Adventure Boy as he grows in the faith.

TheDad and I are Adventure Boy's godparents. We pray that his life in the Church will be fruitful. We pray for his parents, his grandparents and his brother and sisters. And we take our responsibility seriously to help raise this child in the faith.

God bless you, Adventure Boy!

Confession

I don't get to Confession very often. Partly that is because Saturday afternoons are the absolute worst time for me to go anywhere. That's with or without a Notre Dame football game, which has pretty much turned into a Near Occasion of Sin these days. I'm as die-hard a fan as they come without purchasing those blue-and-gold plaid pants, but it's really getting tough to watch a game without resorting to the kind of language that gets a movie a PG-13 rating.

So yesterday I walked away from the television and took myself to Confession. It was way past time to do that. But I left there feeling kind of "disappointed." My former confessor has moved away (a year ago) and this priest...well, Confession is not his strong suit, I guess. I had come to expect to be challenged a little, at the sacrament. Instead, I felt like I was just "assembly-lined" through. But I don't want to let my disappointment eat away at me. I am trying to remember that Father is a very good priest, and pastor, in many other ways. He can't be good at everything.

So, a confession about Confession: I was so busy focusing on "what I get out of it" that I missed what I really do get out of it: grace. I didn't meet St. John Vianney in the Reconciliation Room yesterday. But I did confess my sins; I made a good Act of Contrition; and I was absolved in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

I realize now that instead of whipping through the small penance I was given, I should have taken the time to do a little work on my soul.

Next time I won't wait so long, and I won't let my expectations get in the way of the sacrament.

First Holy Communion for Our Godchild

I have been a godmother three times, but only once have my husband and I had the privilege to be godparents to the same child. She is not a relative, but the child of friends--and because they live locally and she attends Middle Sister's school, we get to see her and her family fairly often.

Tomorrow morning our godchild will receive her First Holy Communion. What a special day for her and her family! Please keep her and her classmates in your prayers tomorrow, that Jesus will be with them in a special way on their First Communion Day and always.