Surreal

I just had the following conversation with my daughter.

Middle Sister (out of nowhere):  I can't chaperone a field trip!

Me:  You're not going to chaperone any field trips.

Middle Sister:  That's because I can't.

Me:  No one asked you to chaperone a field trip.

Middle Sister:  I'm pretty sure it's not even legal.

Kitchen Conversation

Little Brother's been on a rye-toast kick for breakfast these days.  Specifically Jewish rye, with seeds.

This morning when I was getting breakfasts and lunches going, I asked him if he wanted toast.  When the answer was yes, I said, "Regular, or Jewish?"

That's when the questions started.  (Not like I could answer them...)

"Why do they call it 'Jewish'?"  Aren't Jewish people from Israel?  Was it always called Israel?  What was it called before it was called Israel?"

And then we moved on to...

"Is Galilee a country?"  (No, it's a small town.)  "Is the manger where Jesus was born still there?"  (Well, they THINK they know where that is, but they can't be totally sure because it's not like Mary and Joseph made a big sign for it when they were running away from King Herod who wanted to kill Jesus:  "The Son of God was born here.")

"It should be easy to find." (No, there were lots of barns with mangers around Bethlehem.)

"Barns with mangers and a cow and a sheep and a pig?"  (No pig.)

"Why not?"  (Jewish people don't eat pigs.)

"Why not?  Are they afraid they're going to get gout?"

Oy.

Overheard

"Little Brother, why did you want to sleep in our room last night? Did you have a bad dream?"

"No, but I was about to."

To Coin a Phrase

Me (rummaging through the silverware drawer): Where's my grapefruit spoon?

Big Brother: You mean your spork?

Me: Actually, it's a spife.

Overheard

"You are going to wash that temporary tattoo off the back of your hand before altar serving, right?"

Table Manners R Us

Overheard in my dining room:

"Big Brother, get Little Brother a fork, please."

"No! Get me TWO forks!"

"You don't even eat with ONE fork. What do you think you're going to do with TWO?"

Things Parents Say

"Little Brother, don't pull out any more loose teeth right now. Just eat your breakfast."

Overheard

as I emptied lunchboxes:

"Why is there a golf ball in your lunchbox?"

(It's not the kid you think it is, either.)

At least I haven't ever found anything alive in a lunchbox.

Yet.

Overheard

Boy Next Door is over here playing with Middle Sister and Little Brother. His dad called to ask him what side dish he'd like with the chicken he's having for dinner. (Apparently it's "just the guys" over there tonight, so his dad thought he'd give Boy Next Door a choice).

I wasn't surprised to hear the answer: "Ketchup!"

Silence is Golden

Middle Sister: (in the other room, where she thinks I can't hear her) "I have nothing to do for the next five hours."

Me: "Really? How's your room looking?"

(shocked silence)

Big Brother: (whispering) "Never, ever say that."

My work here is done

While we were in the car earlier today, Little Brother noticed all the cars parked at the local Chili's. He commented, "Mom, a lot of people are eating at Chili's!"

I said, "Yes, it's lunchtime."

He said, "Why don't they just eat at home?"

Middle Sister answered him, "Because they don't know how to cook their own food!"

Used

Tonight we sat down to our dinner of Beef Paysanne, noodles, and green beans.

Big Brother wanted to know, midway through the meal, if I had made this with the leftover Christmas roast beef. (I had immediately frozen what was left of that, because Big Brother cannot be trusted with leftover roast beef in the fridge.)

Middle Sister jumped in: "Mom, I read that recipe you were making, and it called for used meat."

I thought that sounded pretty disgusting. "This meat isn't used! It's leftover!"

Big Brother defended the idea of making dinner from leftovers: "Leftover is not the same as A.B.C.!"

(By the way, I highly recommend the Beef Paysanne, and it's even better if you add 2 cups of sliced mushrooms at the same time as the broth and the wine.)

Overheard at the Dinner Table

"Little Brother, get your elbow out of your drink!"

"I was trying to get the spaghetti sauce off my elbow."

Things Parents Ask

"Who left their gum at the Nativity Scene?"

Overheard at the Dinner Table

From the "you didn't really want to know" department....

After Middle Sister told us that she learned about the finding of "Lucy" by archaeologists, and that "Lucy" was 40 years old and 3 feet tall (I'm not sure of this, but it's what Middle Sister thinks), Big Brother responded: "There is no way a hominid of that era lived to 40 years."

Enough of the scholarly banter. The conversation then devolved to include:

"Cloning sheep is genius! Think about it. You could have infinite lamb chops."

"If you bought 4 hot pretzels at the school lunch and covered them in mustard, you've got a great lunch for $1.00! It's got bread AND a vegetable!"

"Pepper comes from a special kind of corn called peppercorns."

(I was given permission to write this only if I did not embarrass the owner(s) of the various quotes by identifying them.)