I'm anticipating what I know will be difficult moments. I've got 3 days of family festivities coming up: Christmas Eve with my husband's huge extended family, Christmas Day at home, just us and my mother-in-law, and Christmas: The Day After with my family in the Great White North.
There will be people with whom I've never really gotten along well, and we'll have to make nice.
There will be people who've hurt me, and I'll have to pretend I've let it go.
There will be people who like to give me "career advice" because my kids are "too old" for me to still stay at home with them.
There will be an extremely shaggy dog that sets off my asthma, and I'll have to be extra careful about that, because I have to sing at church on Christmas Day and I don't want to sound like Bonnie Tyler in "Total Eclipse of the Heart."
It's not going to be a picture-perfect three days by any stretch of the imagination. To be honest, I'm dreading them. That shot in the arm of Christmas spirit I got from our Festival of Lessons & Carols? It's pretty much worn off. I feel less and less like celebrating, and more and more like I've got to just grit my teeth and get through it.
(It's for the kids, after all. And I think one of them still believes.)
All of that does nothing to shake that feeling I've got right now, that "we're standing at the threshold of Hell." The feeling that this one, as bad as I am expecting it to be, is going to be better than the one next year. It's all downhill from here, for various reasons, and I'm not feeling up for it.
Like Clark, I want it perfect. It's never going to live up to that dream, and I know it. Let's face it: the very first Christmas sure didn't live up to Mary's dreams. Maybe that's what Christmas is all about...
3 comments:
I'm hosting the in-laws this year, and I'm pretty grumpy about it. Just grumpy about Christmas, in general. Making time this morning to talk a long walk to pray and calm myself. I'll be thinking of you!
I never understood why we spend Christmas, one of our most holy holidays, with people who we don't choose to spend time with all year. It just happens that way.
If we could get rid of the gift-giving, Christmas would be awesome. Not that I mind giving gifts, but all the crowds -- you can't even run to the pharmacy without getting stuck in traffic. It's all way over the top. High expectations for sure!
I got rid of all the gift exchanges except for the kids and husband so shopping isn't so horrendous for me but the crowds were horrific. I did alot of baking at home and the kids brought cookies and banana bread to all their teachers, classes, and the bus driver. I love Amazon.com and got most of my gifts from there. I love your honesty. And career advice! You seem to be a successful model for the working and writing at home mom. Unfortunately I don't think anybody really "gets" that except for other moms who want to do the same thing. I hope you are recooperating!
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