Grudgingly

I'm holding a grudge.

OK, I'm holding many grudges. I'm good at multitasking that way, and my superpower is hanging onto a hurt/annoyance/outrage and blowing it out of proportion.

Holy Mountains-out-of-Molehills, Batman!

But even I knew that this one particular grudge was getting out of hand when I started to consider going out of my way to avoid something that the Grudge-Target and I both enjoy, because it reminds me of said Grudge-Target.

Can you say, "What, are we in middle school?"

Just for the sake of example, let's say that the Thing We Enjoy is root beer. (Because it's not. I can't stand root beer. But it works in this story).

Root beer is widely and conveniently available. Therefore, reminders that root beer exists happen quite frequently. When I am reminded that root beer exists, I am reminded of the Grudge-Target and how this person likes root beer.

And here's where my Inner Middle-Schooler is tempted to avoid choosing root beer, even though I like it, because the Grudge-Target likes it too.

I have a fear that if I bring this up in confession, Father will just laugh at me, because he has no idea what it's like to be a middle-school girl.

At the moment, making peace with the Grudge-Target may not be possible. But I have decided that it's ridiculous of me to stop drinking root beer just because it reminds me of someone with whom I have a conflict.

I need to do something else instead. I need to pray for the Grudge-Target. I need to pray for myself, too, that I will have the courage and strength and grace needed to make peace with this person.

So I have resolved that each time I have a root beer, I will pray. May God bless me with the grace to forgive, and may He bless the Grudge Target as well.

Tiber River Review: Style, Sex and Substance

Don't let your pride get in the way of your reading this encouraging book. I'll admit that mine did, for a while; I'm pretty sure that most of the 10 contributors are a good bit younger than I am. But after reading several excerpts of Style, Sex and Substance online, I was convinced that while the women whose essays are featured in this book may be younger than me, they've got plenty of wisdom to share. The writing is honest and real, and by the end of each chapter you'll feel that its author is a new, trusted friend.

Don't let the title fool you; I found that this book is a whole lot more about "substance" than sex. Yes, there are humorous, real-life stories (and I loved those!) There are also reflection questions at the end of each chapter that would work as well for small-group study as they do for individual reflection and journaling. A small sampling of these include:

• sins vs. quirks
• nurturing yourself
• putting your schedule in order
• fostering intimacy in marriage
• personal holiness for single women
• making rash judgements
• healthy friendship
• building your marriage
• goals for motherhood
• the Christian life and popular culture

Not all chapters are for every woman at every time, but this book doesn't need to be read start-to-finish to be appreciated. Start with the introduction and chapter 1, then pick and choose as the Spirit moves you. You'll be hooked, and you'll want to keep this book around for encouragement in the various seasons of your life as a Catholic woman.

Style, Sex and Substance would be a great gift for a young woman just starting out on her own, a bride-to-be, a new mom or even a "woman of a certain age" like myself who's in need of a new perspective.

After all, there's always something new to be learned--even from women who are younger than you.

My compliments to editor Hallie Lord and all the contributors to this excellent book.

You can purchase this book here.

I wrote this review of Style, Sex and Substance for the Tiber River Blogger Review program, created by Aquinas and More Catholic Goods. For more information and to purchase, please visit Aquinas and More Catholic Goods. Tiber River is the first Catholic book review site, started in 2000 to help you make informed decisions about Catholic book purchases.

A review copy of the book was provided to me. I did not receive other compensation for this review.

Limbo, Limbo, Limbo

Just trying to keep things normal here in my house, for my kids, and for my husband and myself, as we sit here in Oncology Limbo getting through a few more days until we have a better idea of what he's fighting and how the hospital plans to fight it.

For the record, he will be treated at one of the best cancer hospitals in the country; I was there for my non-cancer surgery 6 months ago and we are comforted by the first-hand knowledge of the wonderful care I received as a patient in that hospital.

I am comforted by relatives and friends alike who have showed us so much care and concern (and made offers to help that I know enough to accept--and will do so soon). Some of these people are fighting their own battles with cancer right now. But they have reached out anyway--that means so much. Other friends have beaten cancer in the past.

Today I received a lot of encouragement from Pat Gohn. We were supposed to be recording a conversation to be used in her Among Women podcast, "Midlife Madres" series. I don't know if Pat got anything she can use or not, but she knows how to listen and she knows what it's like to go through this kind of scary time. I am grateful for each and every minute we spent on the phone today.

As I told Pat at one point, I am wrestling right now. There will be many decisions to be made. There will be things I'll have to "outsource" to others, kids' games I'll miss, plans I'll need to lay aside. It's not so much a "why me?" kind of wrestling as it is a "how do I handle all of what we've got going on and keep our collective sanity relatively intact?"

I might look calm on the outside, but my unscientific research is showing that hot flashes increase exponentially along with one's stress levels. Every so often it reaches its peak and the hot flashes bring along impatience, anger and, yes, tears. Even when I try my hardest to keep that from happening. So yes, calm on the outside, but my stomach is in knots and I think those knots are extending to the rest of me, because my pain level is off the charts today.

But there's a rosary in my pocket, ever ready for a prayer or ten. I'm getting to daily Mass as much as possible. I'm thankful for the encouragement and advice I have received. And when this after-dinner cup of (decaffeinated) Irish tea doesn't cut it, like now, I'm glad there's a carton of chocolate-peanut-butter-cup ice cream in the freezer.

Tuesdays with Martha

That's SAINT Martha, not Martha Stewart.

The ladies at Suscipio have learned that Tuesday is the day traditionally associated with the devotion to St. Martha, patroness of stressed-out homemakers everywhere.

I've got a soft spot for her myself. And I think it's neat that Tuesday is "her" day, because in my house, Tuesday always seems to be that tough day in Homemaking World. (On Monday, everyone is off to work and school and the house is quiet and I quietly putter around here getting all sorts of things done. On Tuesday...well, Tuesday is always another story with its special brand of crazy, especially during soccer season and even more especially when you have failed to plan ahead because you got caught up reading Catholic sci-fi...but I digress. Time to hide the Kindle until after dinner.)

Click on over to Suscipio if you, too, have a soft spot for St. Martha. Pray the novena for your intentions and for those of all the other women who seek strength, encouragement, and support.

image credit

Making a List, Praying It Twice

So when you've got a huge list of people who need your prayers how do you handle it?  Do you write them all down so you can remember them?  Do you try to keep track of them all in your head?  Do you make a list on your smartphone?

And is it copping out if you just pray:  "Lord, you know all the people I care about and have promised to keep in my prayers.  You know their needs and their concerns.  Help them to know that you are with them in their struggles, and may your will be done."

That's pretty much where I am right now.  So I hope that will be sufficient, because I am out of words.

Do Your Best

Twice now, in the past couple of days, the issue of how to properly pray the Liturgy of the Hours has come up.

As a Secular Franciscan, I am committed to praying the Liturgy of the Hours, in union with the Church.  I generally don't get beyond Morning and Evening Prayer, but the expectation of us in this Order is that we pray at least those Hours, whether in common or in private.  Now that my fraternity meets during the day, we have begun praying Midafternoon Prayer at our meetings.

We don't all, however, have the same breviary.  Most of us have the one-volume "Christian Prayer" version, but a few use the four-volume set.  I used to type out the prayer for that day's meeting, but it would change with the week and with the season and that got to be a huge time sink, not to mention the use of ink and paper for 15 copies--so now we just muddle through together, with all the "what page is it on?" and other general fumbling that goes along with it.

We've discovered recently, though, that the folks with the four-volume set expect that the antiphon will be repeated after each psalm or canticle, before moving on to the next.  In the single-volume format, it's not indicated anywhere that this should be done.  This has gotten us into a few liturgical traffic jams recently.

I brought up the issue at our November council meeting, and together we worked out a plan.  Before beginning prayer at the December meeting, we would introduce the idea of the repeated antiphon to everyone--and one of the owners of the 4-volume Breviary would be the antiphonarian.  While we were at it, we worked out solutions to a couple of other technical difficulties that other council members had noticed.  It was all good.

At the council meeting on Tuesday, I reviewed the plan.  We had a few members sitting in at the council meeting, because we had been working on a project before that.  The council did not mind having a more "public" meeting this time; it wasn't like anything sensitive was going to come up.  Most of the members just listened and let us do what we had to do, until we got on the subject of Liturgy of the Hours.

At that point, someone commented, "I don't think God cares very much exactly HOW we do it, as long as we do it."

Well, yes.  And no.

Daria Sockey wrote, yesterday, about the challenge of fitting in the Hours when you have a busy family, a demanding job, or nowhere quiet to pray (or all of the above!)  She quoted G.K. Chesterton:  "A thing that is really worth doing is worth doing badly."

Badly when that's the best we can do?  I can live with that.  I do live with that.  I'm sometimes praying with the theme song from Phineas and Ferb as my background music; other times, I've got Little Brother in my face even though I try to gently remind him that I'm saying my prayers now.  A home with a family in it is not often a quiet refuge for prayer.

But when we can do better, we should.  I think that we should give God the best we've got.  If the best we've got is interrupting kids, then we offer that.  On the other hand, if we are together in fraternity, in a nice quiet location, and capable of making a little extra effort to ensure that we are all united in prayer, we can go that extra mile.

Repeating the antiphon is a little thing--there's no doubt about it.  But it's those little things, those little efforts and sacrifices, that can bring us closer to God, a little at a time.

High Anxiety

Remember that prayer that was on all those posters in the 70s: "Lord, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen today that you and I together can't handle"?

I've been letting anxiety get the better of me a little (a lot?) more than usual recently. And really, this has got to stop. When I was talking about this with a good friend, she mentioned that, lately, she has been making an effort to pray when anxiety starts to overcome her. She asks God to help her hand over the situation, to guide her words and actions.

Good advice.

But I don't want to pray that prayer from the 70s posters. To be honest, I find that prayer a little arrogant. 

As Father Cavanagh says in the movie Rudy, "I have come up with only two hard incontrovertible facts: there is a God, and I'm not him."

Better to pray that God will guide me through a situation. I prefer this prayer, attributed to Father Mychal Judge, OFM, who perished in the 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center:

Lord, take me where you want me to go;
Let me meet who you want me to meet;
Tell me what you want me to say, and
Keep me out of your way.

There's only one thing I may need to add to that: "Keep my foot out of my mouth."

Amen.

Book Review: Praying Constantly

Father Benedict Groeschel, CFR, always a model of Franciscan simplicity, is true to his reputation with his new book, Praying Constantly: Bring Your Faith to Life.

There's no fluff in here, and no New-Age instruction to try "visualization" or "guided imagery" or Reiki massage any of that sort.  Instead, Father Groeschel focuses on the basics:  the Mass, Eucharistic adoration, the Rosary, and Scripture reading.

Father reminds the reader again and again, and dedicates the complete final chapter of the book to this: you have to make the time to meet God in prayer. Referencing the "faith without works" concept in the letter of James, he states that

"the person who spends his life in prayer but cares nothing for his neighbors has made a horrible mistake. Our prayer lives should give us the desire and the strength to love others, to help others."

Father Groeschel challenges the reader to keep the Sabbath, bluntly declaring that "the universe won't implode if you take a few hours off." Anyone who feels "too busy" all the time definitely needs to hear this. The reader is asked to consider the Sabbath a gift, rather than a burden.

Praying Constantly is an excellent guide to living a life of prayer even as we live our lives as parents, professionals, spouses and generally busy people. Everyone is called to "pray without ceasing." In this little book, Father Groeschel shows us how it can be done.

You can purchase this book here

I wrote this review of Praying Constantly for theCatholic Company Blogger Review program, created by The Catholic Company. For more information and to purchase, please visit The Catholic Company.


A review copy of the book was provided to me. I did not receive other compensation for this review.

Saturday Miscellaneous--with a bunch of Christmas thrown in

• I'm thankful that my kids "get" that it's too early for Christmas decorations--and even Christmas music.  Yesterday I had Middle Sister in the car when I stopped at church to hang an announcement on the bulletin board.  She saw the "Giving Tree" in the church lobby.  "It's too early for Christmas trees," she told me.  Sure, I know you have to plan ahead with those Giving Trees, but it just doesn't feel right.  Our tree will go up, as usual, on Pink Candle Sunday.
• It's not too early, however, to enjoy a Christmas present from Big Brother, who bought tickets for me and TheDad for today's TransSiberian Orchestra concert.  TheDad bought 3 more tickets so the whole family can go together.  We'll all make a collective exception to the "no Christmas music before Advent" rule and enjoy the amazingly talented TSO.
• Sarah has Seven Advent Tips that are very good.  Listed among them:  wait to decorate!  Count me in as one who decorates gradually, throughout the season.  It works well for me and it brings Christmas gradually into the house instead of one big BANG on Black Friday.  Basically, here's how it goes:  First Sunday of Advent I bring out the Advent wreath, Christmas storybooks and the empty manger scene.  Nothing else.  Second Sunday of Advent I hang a few pine garlands around the house and put up some other decorations.  Pink Candle Sunday is Christmas-tree day.  Fourth Sunday of Advent, anything else--and animals (only) in the manger.  Christmas Eve:  Holy Family in the manger.  Christmas Day:  shepherds in the manger.  Epiphany:  Wise men in the manger.
• Speaking of Christmas Storybooks, this may be the first year I don't bring those out.  They're all picture books and no one in this house is still reading those.  I guess it's time to put them in a nice safe container and save them for when we have grandchildren.  And unlike Denise, I'm not ready for that to happen anytime soon.
• I've really got to get down to business and figure out the timing for the Thanksgiving Morning Cook-a-Thon.  I've done all of the "nonperishable" shopping and secured a promise from TheDad that he will get the kids off to school on Monday or Tuesday morning so I can go to ShopRite the second they open (7 AM) and avoid all the Amateur Shoppers who are in search of unusual Thanksgiving ingredients, but who have no clue how to even find the canned gravy and Red Delicious apples.  I'm banking on the hope that most of the Amateurs don't wake up that early.
• Too Good Not To Share:  Heidi's prayer for the Adventure Boys in her neighborhood.  Pray this one for Adventure Boys everywhere:  Heavenly Father, watch over all the children in my community whose parents aren’t there to influence their daily choices and habits. Give these children wisdom beyond their years, to protect their hearts from the evil one and his schemes. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen!

Prayer Before a Meeting

God, grant me the eloquence to say what is necessary,
the charity to speak the truth in love,
and the wisdom to know when to shut up.

Novena to St. Francis of Assisi

Novena to St. Francis of Assisi

Pray once a day for nine days, beginning on 25 September and ending on 3 October, the eve of the Feast of St. Francis.

Glorious Saint Francis, who voluntarily renounced all the comforts and riches of thy home to follow more perfectly the life of poverty and abnegation of Jesus Christ: Obtain for us, we pray, a generous contempt of all things in this world, that we may secure the true and eternal things of heaven.

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now and will be forever, world without end. Amen.

O glorious Saint Francis, who during the whole course of thy life continually wept over the passion of the Redeemer, and labored most zealously for the salvation of souls: Obtain for us, we pray, the grace of weeping continually over those sins by which we have crucified afresh Our Lord Jesus Christ, that we may attain to be of the number of those who shall eternally bless His supreme mercy.

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now and will be forever, world without end. Amen.

O glorious Saint Francis, who, loving above all things suffering and the Cross, merited to bear in thy body the miraculous stigmata, by which thou became a living image of Jesus Christ crucified: Obtain for us, we pray, the grace to bear in our bodies the mortifications of Christ, that we may merit one day to receive the consolations which are infallibly promised to all those who now weep.

"If we be dead with Christ Jesus, we shall live also with Him," says the Apostle; "if we suffer, we shall also reign with Him."

Pray for us, Saint Francis, that we may obtain the graces and favors we ask for in this novena; pray for us, especially, that we may obtain the grace of perseverance; of a holy death and a happy eternity.

Pray an Our Father, a Hail Mary, and a Glory Be five times.

What I Need Right Now

I crave routine. I really need it, and I miss it.

The lack of routine is what drives me crazy about summer vacation. That, and the lack of quiet. I need a good deal of both of those in order to keep my sanity about me.

This school year, I haven't managed to get the routine working yet. The kids have been in school 2 1/2 weeks and things have just not calmed down. Every so often, the non-routine of my days gets to me and I have a meltdown moment.

I'm wondering if this is all a reminder to me that when I put others' needs ahead of my need for routine, the whole world will not come crashing down around me. The dishes might not get done until 10 PM. The ironing will be pushed back another day...and another day...and maybe even another. (And my ironing will be pushed away completely, since I'm wearing sweatshirts on these cooler days, so no one can tell if I ironed my t-shirt!)

So maybe, those times when my routine is interrupted by the needs of those I love and care for, I can work in a new routine, and offer that interruption for the intention of the one who needs me most right then.

A Great Way to Start the Day

From this morning's Liturgy of the Hours:

In your will is our peace, Lord.

What better way to start the day than to pray that prayer?

There have been a few things nagging at me lately, some conflicts, some worries. And frankly I am missing daily Mass now that the kids are out of school. "Missing" in both senses of the word--I'm not there, and I feel the lack of it in my life.

"Do not conform to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, so that you may judge what is God's will, what is good, pleasing and perfect." (Romans 12:2)

I pray today that I may know the right way to handle those worries and conflicts, and have the strength to do it.

Tired of the Easter Flip-Flop!

Every Easter and Christmas it's always the same. I don't have enough ribbons in my Liturgy of the Hours to take care of marking antiphons, psalms, daily stuff, AND the saint. And I sit there flipping around in the book and getting all irritated that they couldn't print the Easter Sunday and Christmas Day antiphons for Morning Prayer in with Sunday Week 1, since each of those days gets used for 8 straight days, but all the other "special" Sundays (Easter 5, Lent 1, Lent 5, etc.) got printed.

So I've taken matters into my own hands and printed out a bookmark with the antiphons for each of those days. Feel free to download and print it for yourself.

Hope this helps you!

Free Downloadable Lenten Resources

The Catholics Next Door from Sirius XM Radio are offering some free downloadable MP3s for Lent!

At that link you can find the Stations of the Cross, the Rosary, and some podcasts on apologetics, total consecration to Mary, and prayer.

A big "thank you" to Greg and Jennifer Willits for making these resources available for everyone's use!

On President's Day

You may disagree with a few of his policies, or a lot of them. You may not share his point of view. But you can--and should--pray for the leader of our nation.

Gus Lloyd of Sirius XM's Catholic Channel has called for all Catholics to join him each day in one Our Father, one Hail Mary and one Glory Be, for the intention of the conversion of President Obama, that he will see life as precious, and defend human beings from the moment of conception to natural death.

And Danielle Bean posted this prayer today:

Prayer for Our President

God of power and might, wisdom and justice,
through You authority is rightly administered,
laws are enacted, and judgment is decreed.
Assist with your spirit of counsel and fortitude
the President and other government leaders of these United States.

May they always seek
the ways of righteousness, justice and mercy.
Grant that they may be enabled by your powerful protection
to lead our country with honesty and integrity.
We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

36 Years

Father wore purple at Mass today, and made sure to remind us of the grim anniversary we mark. (An estimated 50,000,000 unborn children have been murdered through abortion since the Roe V. Wade decision 36 years ago.)

The Life Principles at the March for Life website follow the idea of life as a "seamless garment" which was mentioned in today's homily.

Those of us who are unable to be at the March for Life today are all able to pray and to sacrifice in some way.

Gus Lloyd of Sirius XM's Catholic Channel has called for all Catholics to join him each day in one Our Father, one Hail Mary and one Glory Be, for the intention of the conversion of President Obama, that he will see life as precious, and defend human beings from the moment of conception to natural death.

Are you in?

Respect Life Sunday

In my house, every day is Respect Life Day.

But anyway.

In this country, after Tuesday, no day is Respect Life Day. Our President-elect has promised to sign into law the most anti-life legislation this country has ever known.

Barbara at Praying for Grace has shared a beautiful prayer asking St. Francis' intercession for the cause of life. Please join me in praying this prayer, today and every day until it becomes unnecessary--until abortion in our nation is once again considered an unthinkable and unattainable thing; until it is considered a crime; until it is called what it really is--murder.

Respect for Life Prayer
Gentle St. Francis
you were so devoted to the humanity of Christ.
Your heart burst with appreciation toward God
for taking on human life.
You saw beauty and goodness in all living things -
in birds that sing,
the fish that fill our waters,
and all that lives in nature.

Help us to imitate your reverence for life
wherever it may be.
Especially, humble Francis of Assisi,
help us to help others
to see the worth of each living,
unborn baby sheltered in its mother's womb.

May all mankind have the grace
to understand that these tiny,
budding lives have the right to life,
liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Amen

Will You Join a Novena for Obama's Conversion?

Chris Dickson at Portiuncula passes along a novena. I normally don't reprint so much of a post, but I want this to cast a wide net.

We are asking that all children pray a simple "Hail Mary" every single day for the President's conversion and that all adults pray the following daily prayer Novena:

Our Lady Of The Holy Rosary Prayer

My dearest mother Mary, behold me, your child, in prayer at your feet. Accept this Holy Rosary, which I offer you in accordance with your request at Fatima, as a proof of my tender love for you, for the intentions of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, in atonement for the offenses committed against your Immaculate Heart, and for the conversion of Barack Obama to become a staunch Pro-Life advocate.

I beg you to present my petition to your Divine Son. If you will pray for me, I cannot be refused. I know, dearest Mother, that you want me to seek God's holy Will concerning my request. If what I ask for should not be granted, pray that I may receive that which will be of greater benefit to my soul.

I offer you this spiritual "Bouquet of Roses" because I love you. I put all my confidence in you, since your prayers before God are most powerful. For the greater glory of God and for the sake of Jesus, your loving Son, hear and grant my prayer. Sweet heart of Mary, be my salvation.

Please join in this prayer.

Background Music

I have a hard time praying when there's noise in the background--especially music. It's very easy for me to get drawn into the music I'm hearing. With our home's rather open floor plan, there's no way to escape the sound of the television and still remain in a nearby room.

This morning my little early bird, Little Brother, is having his breakfast and watching Veggie Tales. I was about to settle down with Morning Prayer when the music started.

How am I supposed to pray when "Barbara Manatee" and "The Dance of the Cucumber" are serenading me from the other room?

"Silly Songs" and Liturgy of the Hours are NOT perfect together.

UPDATE: I went and sat in Little Brother's room so I wouldn't wake TheDad by turning on the light in our room. Wouldn't you know, Little Brother followed me in there. I told him I couldn't say my prayers with "The Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps" playing, and he said, "But that's over! Now it's the Cebu!"

As if the Song of the Cebu is any less distracting.